Have I Ever Mentioned...

That I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!

I don't bust out the physical decorations until October 1st, but I figured it wouldn't hurt if I put the blog decorations up a bit early. After all, I'm nothing if not impatient.

So I guess I could also use this opportunity to update you on the comings and going of our lives. Although, I maintain that my life is totally boring, so this might be a very short post...

Two weeks ago, I hit the 90-day mark at my job (which is usually about the time I get laid off) and so had the 90-day-review with my bosses last week. I was a wreck in the days preceding the interview - sure, I was feeling good about my job performance, but I had felt good about my work at my previous jobs too and they laid me off!

So, during lunch, I met with the two owners of the practice and we reviewed my performance along with a little questionnaire I had filled out (can I just say: honestly, I wrote several drafts for each little question - I mean, these were psychologists that were reviewing my answers - they're trained to analyze the crap out of that stuff!!).

Anyway, the interview went really well - and I even got a raise! w00t!! But the biggest thing for me is just that I finally feel appreciated and safe - I don't have that feeling that one mistake will get me fired. I'm really loving my job!



(at this point in the blogging process, I asked Bon if there was any update he'd want me to share on his behalf. He replied "...uh...I don't think so...")

You come in to MY HOUSE and attack MY FAMILY!?!

-- or -- SCORPIONS ATTACK!!!


So 1am last night, Bon and I are fast asleep - suddenly, Bon shoots right up and grabs his foot. He's shouting in pain so I ask him if he was having a charlie horse. He's like "no, something stabbed me!" I have no clue what he's talking about, so I start to fall back to sleep (I'm such a nurturing wife!) and he hobbles to the bathroom to inspect his foot. He's almost crying in pain so I go check it out too, but we can't see anything. I get back in to bed and Bon realizes "I know what did it - it was a scorpion! Jessie, get out of the bed!!!" So I get BACK out of bed and shake out the sheets but don't see anything. (at this point, I'm overcome by a massive wave of nausea from being woken up so abruptly so I run in to our other bathroom and almost pass out) So poor, stung Bon is left to hunt down and kill the predator himself which he quickly finds at the foot of the bed on our bedskirt. He hobbles out to the kitchen and grabs our Raid and returns to douse the monster with a generous spray. Finally, we both recover enough to drag ourselves out to the computer and call poison control (after I disposed of the carcass - man, that thing was crazy looking!).

Poison control said the symptoms would last a good 6-7 hours. I think Bon can attest to that and then some! Poor guy wanted to chop his foot off!

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Don't They?

So Froggybaby's comment on my last post got me thinking: kids really don't have a filter between their brain and mouth (I still don't have one) which can lead to some pretty funny revelations. Heck, looking back, I can think of several things I said that probably made my parents want to melt in to the floor. I'm gonna share my favorite oh-no-they-didn't tale and then I want everyone to share their favorite story too (it can be something someone else's kid said or something your own child said - if you want to own up to it) (c'mon, I need some comfort before starting in Primary tomorrow!)

So, back when I was eighteen, a family asked me to babysit their 5 year old daughter and their 2 year old son. Just to give some background, I had never met the family before - they were friends of a family in my ward; the mother was an avid Mary Kay "consultant" and the father was the pastor at their church. I got the vibe that they were very...how do I say this?..."into their image".

Anyway, towards the end of the babysitting evening, I was coloring with the little girl. We were drawing pictures for each other, so I thought I'd be all cutesy and draw a picture of her family. She was very excited about it and it inspired her to draw a picture of her dad. When she was done, she handed it to me and proceed to explain her 5 year old scribbles:

"This is my dad sitting in front of the mirror. He takes his hair off every night in front of the mirror. See, he's brushing it."

!!!!!

I had no idea what to say to that, so we just went back to coloring. I tell ya, it was really hard not to rake my eyes over the dad's hairline when the parents got back home!

"Gee, Paw!"

So, this past Sunday, Bon and I were called to be Primary Teachers for the 6-year olds...


...I won't share all my feelings on the subject, but I will say that there were some tears... And, boy, did Bon feel silly about crying in church! (kidding!)

Anyway, tonight while we were looking through the masterpiece-of-organization that is our Teachers Manual, I found a page about "things to understand about each age group." I began to read the part about six-year olds and am now wondering if my class has been cryogenically frozen from the 1950's... here's what the manual explains of them:

"Girls this age learn to jump rope, bounce a ball, and play jacks. Boys learn to whistle, turn hand springs, and balance a pole on the open hand."

Does anyone else feel like the children described in that paragraph are from the sleepy town of Mayburry? Is Andy Griffith the bishop?

Good job at not updating your materials for the past fifty years, Primary. This should be a great help!

I Haven't Blogged Because I'm Boring.

The other night, Bon and I were chatting over dinner about our day and swapping stories. Even though his stories may not have been any sort of show-stopping extravaganza, Bon at least had stories.

So, I paused for a moment to gather and evaluate my limited options, and proceeded to share the highlight of my day:

The first patient of the morning had a huge booger hanging out of her nose and never got rid of it - even after she went to the bathrooms.


......wow.

Our location has been compromised - it's no longer safe here.

After two and a half years of successful hiding, the enemy has found us and begun assaults.

The enemy?

These soulless monsters:


Scorpions.

Now, I know scorpions are super common here in Arizona - and we've been uncannily fortunate to not have seen any in our apartment until now - but I just don't feel safe now that I've spotted one in our home. (I've seen one and Bon's killed 2 babies.)

My first encounter was a few weeks ago when my mom was here. I was sitting at the kitchen table, putting my makeup on and my mom was sitting over on the couch. She looked over at the kitchen counters and saw a "cricket" down in the corner. She got a shoe a went over to kill it.

"Oh wow - this cricket is HUGE!" I heard her comment. I couldn't see it from where I was sitting, so I just continued with my makeup.

"Well, no, maybe it's not a cricket. It must be a spider," she continued. I suggested that maybe it was a Wolf Spider (very creepy guys). She still didn't seem satisfied with that diagnosis, but launched the shoe at the insect none the less.

I heard her mutter that it wasn't dead and then SHREIK!

I whipped around and saw the cricket/spider chasing after my mom.

What creature chases after it's attacker?? Especially when the attacker is 100 times it's size!

My brain clicked on, "Mom, that's a scorpion! Watch out!!!"

Thankfully, my mom threw the shoe down one more time and was able to crush the 2 inch monster.

But, imagine what could've happened if she hadn't killed him and he'd stung her! The thing about scorpions that scares me is that they can actually poison and KILL you! I mean, crickets, ants, and spiders are all annoying and give me the willies - but a scorpion could knock you out!

I just feel like, now that we've been found out, the scorpions are going to flood our doors, each trying it's hand at attacking us!

Jello, jello - yum, yum, YUM!

Normally, I don't have any recipes to share that couldn't be found on the back of a box. So it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure (5 points for movie reference) that I share this 4th-of-July-traditional-dessert with you! My mom would make it every year and I LOVED it - it was light and fresh enough that it didn't weigh you down in the humid Minnesota summer, but ice-creamy and dessert-y enough that it was a certainly a special treat.

Alright, here we go: (and of course, because I am always punished by Murphy's Law: I could make this recipe with my eyes closed last summer - but because I decided to document this batch and post it for the world to see, I keep messing up. Please don't judge me.)

2 packages of jello (the smaller boxes - but of course, I grabbed the larger boxes this time - d'oh)
2 cups boiling water
3/4 cup cold water
2 cups vanilla ice cream
Cool Whip
fruit*

Boil 1 cup water.
Add in jello mix. Stir well.
Add in 2 cups ice cream.
Stir till ice cream has dissolved.
you should have a thick, frothy soup.
Pour mixture into serving bowl and refrigerate for 1 hour or until mixture has set.

In a separate pan, (I usually wait for a little bit before I start this step to give the first part some extra time to set)
Boil 1 cup water.
Add in jello mix. Stir well.
Add 3/4 cup COLD water.
Refrigerate till almost solid.

Once the jello/ice cream mix is set, layer the fruit on it.
Then pour the not-quite-set jello on top of all of that.
Refrigerate again until jello is completely set.
Finish with Cool Whip.

Voila!

*naturally, it's best to coordinate your jello flavor with the fruit choice. My mom would always do a peach combo - but none of Bon's family like peaches, so I do a raspberry combo (I've also done blackberry with much success).


p.s. - I can't remember if I posted this recipe last summer...but since that blog has since been erased, I guess it doesn't much matter...

A Phone Conversation from my Third Day at Work

me: (very bubbly) Lifespan Behavioral Health, this is Jessie - how can I help you?

caller: (in a rushed tone) Yeah, I need to speak to Dr. Peterson.

me: (still bubbly) I'm sorry, she's out of the office today. But I can get a message to her!

caller: (hesitates but then hurries on) K. This is _____ from :Facility: and it's about :Patient's Name: The number is _______.

me: Ok! Is there any message I can tell her as well?

caller: Uh, yes, it's urgent - the patient is being investigated for homicide.

me: ...........uuhhh, okay......



The doctor assured me this was the first call of that nature they'd ever gotten. I guess my job is a "baptism by fire" sort of place...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent...until proven guilty...

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow...

My time with the internet is going to be much more limited now that I have a job.

Yes, you read it right - I am employed. (this is job number six out here for those of you that are counting...) I started this past Monday. It's a small mental health clinic (Bon hopes I can get some treatment myself) and I am the "front office/administrative assistant" person.

So far, so good.

I do miss the internet, though...

After Two and a Half Years of Living Here...

...I finally figured out that if I close the blinds the OTHER WAY, I won't wake up to the morning sun shining in my eyes.